How to Get Over Someone
Understand that this will take some time. There's no real chronological timeline, just phases that you move through. These are not linear and there will be harder days than others. Remember that this is grief and should be honored as such.
Ensure that all loose ends have been tied. Cut off contact as soon as possible and delete your message threads. Yes, all of them. The sooner, the better.
Do not spend time re-reading the conversations you deleted. This will only make you more depressed and should only be done on the days that you feel particularly down, you masochistic fnck. Do not start going down that rabbit hole without having a clear plan for the aftermath.
Gather all they gave you. All the kisses, the compliments and affirmations, the playlists, the movie recommendations, the love letters, the sweaters, the accidental hickeys, the orgasms and surprises, the wedding fantasies, your trauma bonding, the lighter they left behind, that giant teddy bear, the stencils, the photographs, the electrical toothbrush, the 3 am phone calls, the words that melted and softened the frown on your forehead. Fold them neatly inside a box, real or imagined.
Run a hot bath with epsom salt and eucalyptus. Brush your hair of the promises and goosebumps they left there. Let them fall to the ground and sweep them up as the bathtub fills. Light a candle once you dispose of them in the garbage.
In the near darkness with the fire as your only companion, allow yourself to feel the blow of this jaggedness. Feel it deep in your belly and allow it to come up through your throat, like you're calling for all that's left of them that's still inside to come out.
Feel this spell spilling from your mouth into the bathwater. You may visualize it with a certain color if that helps you. Let the bathwater take the pain, the wanting, the longing, the sobbing and the hopelessness. She will take it with her and make good use of it far from you.
Every relationship can be thought of as reciprocal and transactional, though that doesn't always mean it's fair or equal. As you sit in the water, identify the ways you each gave and took from each other. Not to pass judgement, just to identify them and hold them. Sit with them. Listen to your body when it says it's had enough.
Rise from the water and allow it to drain as you glance at it leave you. Dry yourself with something soft that brings you comfort.
Repeat as needed. Know it will get easier every time.
